This is a very difficult and delicate situation as you do not want to hurt or offend your mother nor do you want your wife to be hurt by your mother. If it happens, you Mum will come to accept it sooner or later.Īsalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Doing the right thing in the deen can never have negative consequences insha Allah. If this is what you must do then do it without fear of your Mother's reaction.
Your wife cannot be expected to live in these conditions, and Islam has given her the right to demand separate accommodation. But if you see things are not getting better and are even getting worse then you have to consider leaving. If you see an improvement then continue advising her and encouraging your wife in her patience. You must make every effort to advise your Mother kindly, and in private. But Allah also says that He doesn't change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves? So between your own piety and efforts and the necessity of others acknowledging their faults and correcting them, and unless they do, the chances of a peaceful family life in your parents home will remain limited. Only Allah knows, and ourselves know if we are pious enough for earning that type of favour from Allah. Allah says in a Hadith Qudsi, that if a (particular) servant asks of Him, He, The Glorified and Exalted shall give to him. People have died waiting for changes that will bring peace, love and understanding among their own. Sadly, in all my life I've never seen people change. But you know as well as I do that it could all be in vain. Of course you must make every effort to advise your Mother kindly, and even show her verses of Al Quran and Hadith which matter in this case to help her realize her mistakes and correct them insha Allah. I talk to her about sabr and Allah's reward for the Saabireen.Īssalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu My wife is not in the house right now but she knows what my mom feels about her and cries multiple times in front of me. I don't know whether she accepted it or not. I apologized to my mom later for it, though. I kept my cool till now but today it all erupted. I completely lost it today and fell in rage and that was because my mom indirectly accused my wife of stealing money from the house. I can communicate good words and thoughts to people but I can't change their minds.
I'm absolutely clueless as to how to solve this problem.
She has this constant fear that both her daughters-in-law are cooking some conspiracy against her. My mom also totally dislikes that my wife and my sister-in-law get along. (Though, a lesson of my life is women hardly use reason when they argue.) Sometimes, my mom is outright wrong and never wants to admit it no matter how much me, my brother and my father reason with her. If I ever try to talk with my mother about these issues, she starts saying that I'm no longer her son and I'll die a gruesome death. I know that treating my wife with roughness won't make me an obedient son either, it'll just make me a partner in my mother's crime but it's hard to communicate this to her. It's like I have to choose between being a good husband and my mom's son. I lose track of what's right in these matters. The wife has made mistakes here and there but I've reprimanded her gently in those matters and helped her in not letting those mistakes take place again but my mom asks me why didn't I abuse her for so and so mistake. Quite honestly, my mom does not want me to treat my wife with kindness either. I try to keep passing it through to my Mom that I'll always love and respect her but it is not always easy. Sometimes, I feel my mother has fallen into the "post-marriage-I've-lost-my-son-to-a-stranger" trap. My mother absolutely hates my wife and I can't even exactly explain why that is because I don't know neither do I understand it. I got married in Shaa'baan (July) and was hoping to have quite a peaceful life but it is absolutely not going the way I thought.